(Reader’s Warning: This post contain sexually explicit words that may not be suitable for readers below 18 years old. Parental guidance is advised. Better if you accompany your child to this nature wonder!)
Be prepared and wake up early for SEx.
So goes the cliche: “First bird gets the best part of the meal”. Whatever. How can you enjoy sex if your not “there” in the first place? Just because you were late (or too early, in the case of PE) , asleep or whatever when your ‘drive” has arrived to “fetch” you? What a pity. Next time, I should set my alarm one hour prior to my wake up call!
First, know thy ancestors before SEx.
Who knows what, maybe 2000 years ago, when these anthropomorphic jars were discovered, we had our roots in Saranggani? These astounding jars were dated 5 years BC to 300 years AD. Imagine that, in the Philippines and here in Saranggani. Thanks to SEx, I knew that now.
Don’t go to sex without breakfast.
Especially, when the breakfast is at Cressings in Maitum, Saranggani! Healthy and extremely salivating, I don’t know what else affect your SExual experience than these food festival of some sort. Salted eggs for breakfast? Lip smacking a ginataang igi?I love their Bangsi and the aromatic, sweet choco tasting, iced tea, and of course the brown rice. Been there last year and so far, I’m still ogling for another visit next time. Maybe Cressing’s food were aphrodisiacs after all. Maybe, I said.
The more bumpy the ride, the “splashier” you can get , and the more ‘wet’ you can be, the better is SEx.
Exactly why you’ll enjoy the Water Tubing Ride in Brgy. New La Union Maitum Saranggani. At first glance, it looks menacing but when you’ve experience your first ride, you’ll beg for more. Just like sex. Like Cressings, I’ve been here last year and I’m now looking forward to another one soon! Just a reminder though, grab those head gear and protective stuff you should wear before taking that ride of your life! Just like sex.Dapat me proteksyon!
Have you tried SEx in a Park? If not try Lourdes Park Lunch.
Not only that their park is well maintained, it also boast of a mini zoo! Now, that should put exotic into your SEx, Tour! Seriously, This one part beach front, part public park is unique in its qualities. Clean, well spaced, nicely themed, and is so close to the beach, makes it an ideal place for de-stressing and strolling. This is also the jump off point for boat rides to Tuka Marine Sanctuary. Nice combination huh?
Try Tuka first before SEx itself, or dive deeper into the ocean to get a better view of the what those “crown of thorns” ate- our coralline sanctuary.
Tuka Beach and enclave is a pristine marine sanctuary that once play host to a rich and biodiversefauna. Today, it cries “rape” from the devastation caused by this crown of thorns. Simply put, crown of thorns “feed” on soft corals. When the population of these crown of thorns increases, the ecological balance of this fauna ultimately tilts towards its ultimate destruction. In short, a rape of this sanctuary. (PS: My theorem here may not be scientifically that accurate but yes, for my readers sake, such simplicity should be sufficient to drive my point). This is what is so thorny about my SEx Tour. It pains me (my graduate thesis is a study on soft corals), to see a marine sanctuary ravished and on a brink of ecological disaster. What now? Who should revive this sanctuary?
A recent study is on going testing the efficacy of a chemical compound that drastically decrease reproduction of these crown of thorns. But the chemical substance is also toxic to other marine inhabitants. Ugh, well just like the RH Bill I guess. Just like sex. Some sort of control should be in place.
Know which “side of the bed” you’re suppose to plant your thorny pineapple.
Exactly what Dole is doing. Plant pineapples where you can help the economy and its people. Market outside so you can bring more “dollars” here. Then do more of your corporate social responsibility. Plant more trees, give more classroom arm chairs and help farmers have their own pineapple farm. Dole is not into sex, but it sustain an economy for more than decades now just the same. What i want about their company is their work ethic. Having to sync your time globally to harmonize productivity, thats something i need to implement for my next sex…err, SEx.
That’ts it for my first day of SEx. Thanks so much to this people who made this trip a pleasurable one!
Mayor Elsie Perrett
Ms. Elizabeth Ramos-Palma Gil (Information Officer) 0921-5944228;
Arnelito Ramirez (Tourism Operations Assistant) 0918-6133022;
Arlex Narte (Tourism Operations Assistant) 0919-3738007
And the White Water Tubing guides of Pangi River.